Obstacle.

Yesterday was the first day after the day I talked about my problem to my friend. It was the day where life has thrown me a rock. Difficult because I told myself I would be strong and that my friends would be there for me. Thought I would be able to forget about it by going out with my friends. None of that happened. I stayed all day at home. I don't blame them... even if they told me they will always be there for me through hard times. I guess it will be harder than what I thought it would be. Way harder. I got a long way to go. And that's just the beginning.

Finals.

So here I am... on a sunday morning... tired because of last night... SUNDAY @__@ (reference to my older post!)

Ugh, these past few days, my back is so sore. Really! I still remember when I did my writing exam and when I finished, I just couldn't stand straight anymore. I actually had to raise my hand to tell the teacher! She felt so sorry, which is not what I wanted... Anyways, when I move, I'm totally fine, but when it comes to sit for considerable hours, I'm done! I should really consider seeing a doctor... Nevertheless, before I started to work, I passed a scan for my back and they couldn't find anything wrong. I really feel bad now that I know that my back is unhealthy... Because in nursing, they keep on saying how our back is important, and that we just have one back that supports us, and just becareful. Well what makes me more upset is the image people can have of me now... You see, I had a little accident years ago, I use to help my dad lift stuff for his work... and I did a bad move. I remember how painfull it was. However, now, I feel like it is ten times worst. I think it followed me until now.

Yesterday night, we had dinner for my brother-in-law's birthday. It was really fun. Well... minus my back pain. Then, everybody came back home and had cake and they played the werewolf game, I could hear it from my room. I believe they had a lot of fun :)

Today, I have to prepare myself for my english oral presentation on Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Actually, the assignment was to find a serious research that is recently done related to my field of study. Believe me, I had a hard time finding one. Then, my friend got me this magazine called MacLean's and she pointed out this article about this controversial new Multiple sclerosis treatment. It's incredible how much I have learned. Not only through some article but also through personnal research, found out what is my role as a nurse toward MS patients. Grosso modo, Zamboni's study found out that his MS patient showed CCSVI (chronic cerebrospinal venous insufficiency) and such blockage «could cause blood to flow back to the brain, resulting in toxic iron deposits that in turn could trigger MS symptoms» The treatment is pretty simple, put a balloon inside the vein so that it can unclogg it. Here the controversy, this is a risky intervention because some patient have died of it or had complications. Besides, doctors asks. Is CCSVI unique to MS? If it is, is it a cause or a consequence of MS? They say that they are not actually treating MS but veinous problem and that people who had the surgery done and showed positive results is a placebo effect. As you may not know, there is no cure to this disease and researching haven't found the cause to it. If this treatment showed positive results and can actually significantly improve MS patient's lives, why not?

Here's my source: Kingston, Anne and Gulli, Cathy. "The Miracle Cure". MacLean’s, 19 April 2010 : 70

Link: http://www2.macleans.ca/category/health-from-the-magazine/

With that being said... this is my oral presentation topic. I also have a math exam on monday wish scares the crap out of me. Another oral presentation on thursday and FINALS. TUN TUN TUN!!!!

... Have a nice day! :)

Psychiatry

...

School wise, it's been a week already since I started my internship in psychiatry and at first, I seriously thought it would be really bad, but it turned out really interesting! So far so good. However, there is a lot of homework related to it. Not to mention my other courses. And on top of that, I work on weekend. I'm a busy one... :( I feel drained... exhausted. I have a minimal social time... It's hard but I have to get through this! I HAVE TO! Positive thinking! COME ONNNN!

I can't wait for my march ''break'' not a whole week unfortunately... only monday and tuesday... Then... wednesday and thursday, my intership (which should be very illegal on the way) and day off on friday, Hurray.

Hopefully, I have few good friends I can relax with. We're planning to go play bowling or pool on that day. Thank god.

I'm still waiting a reply from the hospital for my externat this summer... It really worries me because all my friend got their letters except me. I called a week ago and they said they just sent it on february 18th and I like so close from the hospitall!! Come on.... I applied for Medecine, pediatry and surgery. I should start working on june 7th! Can't waiit! :D

I also have this job at my brother's clinic. My brother is a denturologist and he needed someone to type in all the patient's information into the computer. He gave me the keys so I can come whenever I want. Which I'm very pleased with it since I'm not avaible on weekdays and I don't really have any obligation. Very flexible and that's perfect. Besides, even though the clinic is far from my house, I don't really mind. I'm kind of tired to work close to my place. Why everything has to be close from me?! Get out of the comfort zone girl!

So for tomorrow... I have crisis situation class, english composition and microbiology lab. I have mondays... Because I always finish at 6 pm. Tuesday wednesday and thursday, I have my internship and friday I have Microbiology and sociology. Talking about sociology, last class... I usually don't skipp Sociology class but that day, I just couldn't handle it anymore. Honestly! I love my teacher's class but I was just wayyy to tired. I followed at the beggining of the class and took good notes and I left right after the 10 minutes break. And instead, I went to work hehe!

I really need a nice, beautiful and long break... Geebus!

Passion or no passion or half way or to be.

Je réfléchis beaucoup ces temps-ci. Je réfléchis à ce que je fais présentement, ce que je ferais plus tard. Je réfléchis à la personne que je suis et aux personnes qui m'entourent.

J'ai rencontré un gars récemment. Un gars que j'aimerais côtoyer mais qu'il «n'est» pas (essayez de comprendre! ça doit être le Descartes en moi qui prend le dessus) C'est un gars vraiment super. Ce qui me fascine le plus en lui est sa volonté d'atteindre ses buts, ses rêves. Il m'en fait souvent part et j'apprécie beaucoup. Cependant, ça me ramène souvent à une réalité qui me rend souvent ... Je suis encore dans la brume. De connaître réellement qui te plaît, d'être décidé et d'être vrai envers soi est l'une des plus belles choses qui soit. J'essaie de me mettre à l'idée que peut importe l'âge, le temps qu'il faudra, je trouverai, moi aussi, la ou les choses qui me passionnent dans la vie. J'ai tendance à évité ce genre de sujet. Peut-être qu'il est temps que je passe plus de temps à y réfléchir sérieusement, car ce dont je me rend compte, c'est à quel point connaître la chose qui te passionne et connaître les moyens pour y parvenir jouent un rôle majeur sur le bonheur d'une personne.

J'essaie encore de distinguer les caractéristiques du rêve. Un rêve est définit comme suit selon le contexte: Représentation, plus ou moins idéale ou chimérique, de ce qu'on veut réaliser, de ce qu'on désire. Ce qui est certain, c'est que les responsabilités ont plutôt tendance à inhiber les rêves. J'ai souvent pensé que l'idéal est inatteignable quoique se rapprocher de l'ideal, c'est possible. Penser le contraire serait être pessimiste. Est-ce possible de faire toutes les choses qui nous passionnent dans la vie?

Beaucoup de choses me plaît, la question est de savoir si ces choses là me passionne. J'aime aider et je suis sincère. Je suis loin d'être irritable lorsqu'il m'arrive des mésaventures. De plus, je suis dans un domaine ou le personnel donne beaucoup et reçoit peu. Je suis d'accord, il est possible que ça puisse miner mon humeur, je le concède mais ce métier me rejoint beaucoup sur plusieurs aspects. Je ne me suis jamais dis non plus que je voudrais être infirmière depuis toute petite, jamais, mais je crois que je me plaît bien dans ce domaine et que ce plaisir, cet amour envers ce metier peut prendre de l'ampleur avec le temps. Je suis patiente. Donc, comme je l'ai mentionné, mes responsabilités jouent un rôle important. Mes responsabilités face aux personnes que j'aime. Serait-ce la raison que me retient d'être a un certain point libre? Enfin, je pourrais rentrer en bien plus grande profondeur à ce sujet mais pour l'instant, je coupe ça court! Sans mentionner que ce n'est surtout pas l'argent qui est à l'origine de mes questionnements.

Réalité ou rêves? Le mot «rêve» semble être un si grand mot. Pourtant, pour une personne, le rêve peut être simple mais si significatif.
Je laisse maintenant place à la réflexion et surtout, je me laisse du temps pour moi.

Updates on my (not so personnal) life.

So this is my first entry of the beginning of school year. I haven't had much time to write before that... and even NOW I'm not even suppose to be here typing what I am typing now. But hey. it's cool.

So what happened during the last few months *flashback* ( '_____' insert sound effect).

During summer, I had my VERY FIRST JOB! YAY. It was great. Plus, I made my own money! I had to chance to work with great professionals and patients. I had to work during the day, the evening and the night. Even though daytime is quite a rush, for some reason, I really appreciated it.

Back to school has been quite a rumble. It doesn't even surprise me anymore. Also, making my own money means... eh, paying my own scholar fees. Yep. But it's alright. As usually, Nursing scholar fees cost me an arm.

I'm in pediatry/perinatality. The course is sooo charged. They don't give us enough time to assimilate the theory! The most ridiculous exam we had was based on two subjects. The time allowed was thirty minutes! ... *breathe in* ... *breathe out* Anyways. Other than that, biology is harder than last semester, wayyy harder and I almost did not pass. ''Thank god I passed my biology exam!''

And it is far from being over people. Next week, I'll be having two huge exams and each one contains two never-ending subjects! Shoot me. And to finish me clean-cut, I have a math exam on medications and injections, hurray.

In two weeks, PRIMO : for my first intern, I'll have to teach security mesures to 4 year-old kids in a kinder-garden. I am really looking forward to it :) But I think one of them is hyperactive and his teacher calls him a time-bomb. Lol. How nice. Anyways! We'll have to deal with it.

SECUNDO: Pediatrical Intern at Maisonneuve hospital! So many things to prepare! It is kind of making me nervous! But as long as I'm well prepared, there is no need to stress. Right? *cricket noises*

Oh, and what to say about sociology and gym. Their at the bottom of my list. Ha. But at least, I know I'm doing alright! Hum... I still have to do 8 hours off-class in gym and humm other few hours of lab practice before intern.

Anyways, even though I feel kind of overwhelmed by exams and studies, this doesn't stop me of cooling down with my close friends and have a great time with my family occasionnaly.

I personnaly think studies are not an excuse but you just need to find a great balance between friends, family, yourself and school.

Almost missed.

I opened and closed the front door behind me. It made a swiftly noise and ended with a dull thud. The kind of noise you lose yourself into when you're lonely... I opened the next one, looked down and took my shoes off. Another exhausting day at school precisely done at 5PM. Walked in and saw my sister watching daily news on TV sitting on the sofa. She looked at me and said it was gone to be sold. I couldn't believe it but she sounded pretty firm in her statement. I laughed, took my jacket off, hung it, and entered my bedroom. I put my Pj on and came out. Headed to the basement. It wasn't there. "Alright" I said to myself. Took a snack and I was ready to tackle my biology assignments.

"ADH and Aldosterone are secreted which increase H20 and Na+ absorption. This secretion will then increase blood volume, increase presystolic volume, cardiac frequency and the volume of blood ejected. The cardiac output will be raised. Therefore, blood pressure will be raised as well ... Since BP = CO x CF. " (...)

- Snack

- "In a hospital, a person's put to bed for several days. She feels dizzy and might fall. That's the reason why it is very important to slowly lift her , first make her sit and then let her get use to it for few minutes before standing her up... "

- Snack

- Snack

- TV

"When you are in a lateral position, your blood vessels and heart are on the same level, which make it easier for the blood to circulate, so less contriction of the vessels (dilated). When changing posture, your BP decreases and the blood falls to the bottom since the nervous system did not have to time to adapt to the situation, to make the vessels constrict. With that being said, blood goes down, nothing to feed dzee brain, equals dizziness. To retablish the BP, the NS will increase the heart contractility, raise CF and make vessels contrict. CO and Resistance will raise substancially..."

- Assignments

- Dinner

- TV

Still not there. I felt all weird inside. What if it wasn't a joke? What if it'll never come back again? I sat in front of the television, but my eyes were looking down. The same level it usually was. I felt sad. I felt guilty and wished I could see it one more time to say 'Bye'. (...) Useless piece of black and white stinky thing that can't even listen to me when I ask it to. Yeah, you. Fatty who keeps on destroying most of the things I once owned. Gniah. I don't care. And yet. Who'll jump all around and stand up to my knees everytime I come back from school? Who'll run like a mad boar when... (...) like a mad boar. It is the only one who possesses the two most weird reflecting mirrors ever. Fart, snore, sit, sleep, eat. Silly.

12:30AM and still not there. Finally decided to believe it. Went back to my room. Closed the door and again, that dull thud. Fucking annoying shit. Just leave me alone. (sigh) Slipped between the blankets and fell asleep.

6AM Classical music on the radio, my everyday alarm. Get's up. Fix my bed and go wash my face. Change clothes. Loses my Pj comfort for the less appeal I still own. Deep breath, stairs. Cage. It's there. Snoring. Farting like whatever. Stood on my knees. "GIMMIIE BIIG KIISS MII DOGGIE" Hugs. Breakfast. Promise I'll take it out later. And life goes on...

Maybe with a little bit more love I guess.

PS My brother took Azul (my dog) to the farm to see some friends and came back home at 2AM.

Hommage aux dimanches de la vie.

C'est dimanche, dimanche, dimanche.
Le jour avant lundi, mardi, mercredi, jeudi, vendredi et samedi... ou tout simplement le jour d'après, dépendamment du point de vue de chacun.
Le seul jour qui ne fini par par 'di' mais qui tout de même le commence.
Le jour qu'on se réveille tard en matinée puisque samedi fut le jour de la fêtée.
Le jour ou il ne se passe habituellement rien de spécial.
Le jour avant la semaine des cours.
Le jour ou on se fixe des objectifs afin de les accomplir avant ces cinq journées tarrées.
Le jour ou on jure de dormir plus tot.
Le jour lorsqu'on étudie à la dernière minute avant l'examen du lendemain.
Merci aux dimanches de la vie.
Nous laisser nager en apnée en ta seule journée.
Malgré cela, il est déja minuit et je ne suis toujours pas au lit!

Anyways, class are starting at 12:00, take that Sunday! *pew pew*